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I have chosen this page to place book reviews, cartoons, and articles that I fear may be controversial. Consequently be advised, before you read further, that there will be some offensive material ahead. I have opinions that are not very popular in certain communities.
The Merry Misandrist reviews Maia Kobabe's "Gender Queer"
Maia Kobabe's memoir "Gender Queer" isn't very interesting. That may be because Kobabe is still pretty young. Starting on an autobiography without having accrued a lot of life experience results in a rather thin story. "Gender Queer" has uninteresting imagery and is a little too self-absorbed to qualify as a recommended read. It reminded me a little of Gabrielle Bell's awful memoir "The Voyeurs" in terms of its solipsism though that may be a little harsh on Kobabe. Kobabe at least doesn't have Bell's nasty habit of constant name-dropping and Kobabe makes sure that eir lettering is easily readable and that the panels have good flow and layout. This is a huge contrast to Bell's terrible cramped lettering and equally cramped pictures. On the other hand Bell, unlike Kobabe, never devoted nearly a quarter of her memoir to her odd masturbation habits in the mistaken belief that her ruminations on her extreme penis envy would be interesting reading. Nevertheless "Gender Queer" and "The Voyeurs" have a lot of similarities. The whole atmosphere of a graphic novel devoted to one subject's white, first-world neurosis is a thread that binds "Gender Queer" and "The Voyeurs" together.
"Gender Queer" is a graphic novel where Maia Kobabe describes growing up in eir unconventional-yet-conventional two parent household living in a rural hippie-ish community. Kobabe goes to school and generally starts to realize that e may be gay. Kobabe also describes not exactly feeling comfortable as a woman but stops just short of identifying as a man. Kobabe wants to get rid of eir breasts and have top surgery, but what e desperately wants most of all is a penis. E hates getting pap smears and describes unbelievable pain as a result of the doctor using a speculum on eir. Those sequences worried me the most as a medical professional, truth be told. Kobabe uses eir pain as an argument about how unnatural it is for eir to have a vagina but frankly from eir descriptions I wonder if e has a severe medical or psychological problem. Endometriosis, UTIs, severe vaginal infection, and certain cancers can cause the hideous pain Kobabe describes when a doctor uses a speculum on eir. A repressed memory of sexual abuse can do the same, though Kobabe does not mention ever being abused. The sequences made me wish that Kobabe continued to follow up with a physician or gynecologist though apparently e does not.
As you can probably tell from the weird pronouns I am using to describe Kobabe, Kobabe identifies as gender-nonbinary (or at least did as of the publishing date of "Gender Queer"). There is a lot of problems that I have with the concept of "gender nonbinary." Unlike gay or trans individuals (trans people have been around since at least Ancient Egypt)... "gender nonbinary" seems to have arisen with Tumblr. Kobabe states "I can't remember when I first started seeing pronouns listed on people's profiles on Tumblr- 2015?" So, not Ancient Egypt. Indeed the suspicion that "gender nonbinary" is not an actual identity but merely a gimmick to attract online attention is not really laid to rest with Kobabe's memoir. E says, without any hint of apparent irony that "I want people to be confused about my gender at all times." A constant flow of attention in eir direction. This slightly sadistic impulse on the part of Kobabe is very telling. Leaving people in constant confusion about a core factor in Kobabe's identity is basically a way of Kobabe inflicting slight, constant social injury on other people.
To be fair to Kobabe, I don't find eir to be as sadistic as, say, Sam Smith who insists upon hijacking the pronoun "they/ them" (a collective pronoun) and insisting that people use this- bizarrely- on the singer's own singular self. There seems to be a lot of white male bellicosity left in Sam Smith regardless of the singer's insistence in being "gender non-binary." If any publication should DARE to use correct grammar when referring to the singer, legions of cyber bullies commanded by Smith will descend on the hapless writers. As one gaytimes.co.uk headline read: "Sam Smith's fans have come out in the star's defense after several publications referred to them by the incorrect pronouns." If you read that title and thought that periodicals were misgendering Sam Smith's fans, congratulations. You speak English competently. Unfortunately, the "them" in that title is referring to Sam Smith. Just that title alone, typed apparently with no sarcasm or self-awareness at all, shows just how dumb the concept of addressing a singular person as "they/them" is. The arrogance necessary to simply tell people to upend a core component of the way we speak is staggering. THAT is some white male privilege, let me tell you! I doubt any "gender non-binary" individual who has not enjoyed white male privilege for most of that individual's life would not be making such ridiculously heavy demands on society. It is awful that the Merriam-Webster dictionary has gone along with this gaslighting. I read that the dictionary's 2020 update will include "they/ them" as a singular pronoun..... and I felt nothing but dismay at the news.
There are many wonderful gender non-binary people out there who do not object to people referring to them by gender-specific pronouns. They (and I am saying "they" in the conventional and only correct sense here) understand that asking people to change such a key basis of a language as a pronoun is too large an ask to inflict on society. In this way I am grateful to Kobabe for using the pronouns "e/ eir/em." "E/ eir/ em" may be a bit eccentric but these words have no other meaning in the English language and frankly English is a patchwork language anyway that adds hundreds of new words a year. Also Kobabe seems a little more aware of how suddenly shifting eir identity disconcerts people. E has a conversation with eir gay, feminist aunt who states that Kobabe choosing to switch from female to non-binary seems to stem from "a deeply internalized hatred of women." She has a point and Kobabe is honest about not being able to entirely refute this.
In one poignant moment towards the end of the book, Kobabe describes meeting a woman after e taught a class in drawing. The woman says "My daughter loves to draw! I'm so glad she's getting to see a female artist role model. When I was a girl I had no role models who looked like me... There were no women doctors, no professors, no CEOs...." Kobabe gracefully refrains from correcting the woman and tell her that e is not a woman but nonbinary. "I feared that the truth would ruin her moment." This decency on the part of Kobabe, putting another person's comfort before eir own, is very sweet. Kobabe's respect for the woman's feelings is something I don't really see when nonbinary individuals like Sam Smith hijack the pronouns "they/ them." Indeed most nonbinary individuals assigned female at birth tend in general (in my experience) to be more understanding of the feelings of others. Nonbinary individuals assigned male at birth are more likely to cyberbully people - especially women- who question using "they/ them" as singular pronouns. Even when someone is "nonbinary," the gender binary roles sneak back in.
I may not have a whole lot of faith that "gender non-binary" is really valid. A lot of "gender non-binary" people I have read about often seem to end up fully transitioning to the opposite gender a few years after "coming out" as "gender non-binary." This is understandable. As I have mentioned before, trans men and trans women are mentioned throughout history. There are trans people in Shakespeare plays. Trans people are mentioned in the Bible (though unfortunately only as an abomination) and even further back in history. There are Egyptian records of trans women, born biologically male, who were buried in women's tombs. Trans people have been around as long as cis people. If you travel around the world you will find trans people in every country. I remember meeting a trans woman in Sukhbaatar square in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia back in 2009. However I'm pretty sure if I traveled to Mongolia nowadays and ask about meeting "gender non-binary" people, I would get blank looks. I don't really think "gender non-binary" is a rock-solid identity so much as a transitional identity that an individual adopts while slowly leaving one gender identity at one end of the binary and entering the other. In the end I think Sam Smith's silliness will probably be as forgotten as other infamous, attention-grabbing gimmicks by artists, like e. e. cummings and k. d. lang insisting on using only lower-case for their names. Sam Smith may simply end up transitioning into a woman. And Maia Kobabe shows a lot of signs of possibly transitioning to being a man in the future. Live your truth, but leave the poor pronouns alone.
"Gender Queer" is a graphic novel where Maia Kobabe describes growing up in eir unconventional-yet-conventional two parent household living in a rural hippie-ish community. Kobabe goes to school and generally starts to realize that e may be gay. Kobabe also describes not exactly feeling comfortable as a woman but stops just short of identifying as a man. Kobabe wants to get rid of eir breasts and have top surgery, but what e desperately wants most of all is a penis. E hates getting pap smears and describes unbelievable pain as a result of the doctor using a speculum on eir. Those sequences worried me the most as a medical professional, truth be told. Kobabe uses eir pain as an argument about how unnatural it is for eir to have a vagina but frankly from eir descriptions I wonder if e has a severe medical or psychological problem. Endometriosis, UTIs, severe vaginal infection, and certain cancers can cause the hideous pain Kobabe describes when a doctor uses a speculum on eir. A repressed memory of sexual abuse can do the same, though Kobabe does not mention ever being abused. The sequences made me wish that Kobabe continued to follow up with a physician or gynecologist though apparently e does not.
As you can probably tell from the weird pronouns I am using to describe Kobabe, Kobabe identifies as gender-nonbinary (or at least did as of the publishing date of "Gender Queer"). There is a lot of problems that I have with the concept of "gender nonbinary." Unlike gay or trans individuals (trans people have been around since at least Ancient Egypt)... "gender nonbinary" seems to have arisen with Tumblr. Kobabe states "I can't remember when I first started seeing pronouns listed on people's profiles on Tumblr- 2015?" So, not Ancient Egypt. Indeed the suspicion that "gender nonbinary" is not an actual identity but merely a gimmick to attract online attention is not really laid to rest with Kobabe's memoir. E says, without any hint of apparent irony that "I want people to be confused about my gender at all times." A constant flow of attention in eir direction. This slightly sadistic impulse on the part of Kobabe is very telling. Leaving people in constant confusion about a core factor in Kobabe's identity is basically a way of Kobabe inflicting slight, constant social injury on other people.
To be fair to Kobabe, I don't find eir to be as sadistic as, say, Sam Smith who insists upon hijacking the pronoun "they/ them" (a collective pronoun) and insisting that people use this- bizarrely- on the singer's own singular self. There seems to be a lot of white male bellicosity left in Sam Smith regardless of the singer's insistence in being "gender non-binary." If any publication should DARE to use correct grammar when referring to the singer, legions of cyber bullies commanded by Smith will descend on the hapless writers. As one gaytimes.co.uk headline read: "Sam Smith's fans have come out in the star's defense after several publications referred to them by the incorrect pronouns." If you read that title and thought that periodicals were misgendering Sam Smith's fans, congratulations. You speak English competently. Unfortunately, the "them" in that title is referring to Sam Smith. Just that title alone, typed apparently with no sarcasm or self-awareness at all, shows just how dumb the concept of addressing a singular person as "they/them" is. The arrogance necessary to simply tell people to upend a core component of the way we speak is staggering. THAT is some white male privilege, let me tell you! I doubt any "gender non-binary" individual who has not enjoyed white male privilege for most of that individual's life would not be making such ridiculously heavy demands on society. It is awful that the Merriam-Webster dictionary has gone along with this gaslighting. I read that the dictionary's 2020 update will include "they/ them" as a singular pronoun..... and I felt nothing but dismay at the news.
There are many wonderful gender non-binary people out there who do not object to people referring to them by gender-specific pronouns. They (and I am saying "they" in the conventional and only correct sense here) understand that asking people to change such a key basis of a language as a pronoun is too large an ask to inflict on society. In this way I am grateful to Kobabe for using the pronouns "e/ eir/em." "E/ eir/ em" may be a bit eccentric but these words have no other meaning in the English language and frankly English is a patchwork language anyway that adds hundreds of new words a year. Also Kobabe seems a little more aware of how suddenly shifting eir identity disconcerts people. E has a conversation with eir gay, feminist aunt who states that Kobabe choosing to switch from female to non-binary seems to stem from "a deeply internalized hatred of women." She has a point and Kobabe is honest about not being able to entirely refute this.
In one poignant moment towards the end of the book, Kobabe describes meeting a woman after e taught a class in drawing. The woman says "My daughter loves to draw! I'm so glad she's getting to see a female artist role model. When I was a girl I had no role models who looked like me... There were no women doctors, no professors, no CEOs...." Kobabe gracefully refrains from correcting the woman and tell her that e is not a woman but nonbinary. "I feared that the truth would ruin her moment." This decency on the part of Kobabe, putting another person's comfort before eir own, is very sweet. Kobabe's respect for the woman's feelings is something I don't really see when nonbinary individuals like Sam Smith hijack the pronouns "they/ them." Indeed most nonbinary individuals assigned female at birth tend in general (in my experience) to be more understanding of the feelings of others. Nonbinary individuals assigned male at birth are more likely to cyberbully people - especially women- who question using "they/ them" as singular pronouns. Even when someone is "nonbinary," the gender binary roles sneak back in.
I may not have a whole lot of faith that "gender non-binary" is really valid. A lot of "gender non-binary" people I have read about often seem to end up fully transitioning to the opposite gender a few years after "coming out" as "gender non-binary." This is understandable. As I have mentioned before, trans men and trans women are mentioned throughout history. There are trans people in Shakespeare plays. Trans people are mentioned in the Bible (though unfortunately only as an abomination) and even further back in history. There are Egyptian records of trans women, born biologically male, who were buried in women's tombs. Trans people have been around as long as cis people. If you travel around the world you will find trans people in every country. I remember meeting a trans woman in Sukhbaatar square in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia back in 2009. However I'm pretty sure if I traveled to Mongolia nowadays and ask about meeting "gender non-binary" people, I would get blank looks. I don't really think "gender non-binary" is a rock-solid identity so much as a transitional identity that an individual adopts while slowly leaving one gender identity at one end of the binary and entering the other. In the end I think Sam Smith's silliness will probably be as forgotten as other infamous, attention-grabbing gimmicks by artists, like e. e. cummings and k. d. lang insisting on using only lower-case for their names. Sam Smith may simply end up transitioning into a woman. And Maia Kobabe shows a lot of signs of possibly transitioning to being a man in the future. Live your truth, but leave the poor pronouns alone.
