If you’ve been on Twitter lately, first of all, God bless you. That place is a hellhole. Second of all, you’ve probably been seeing the hashtags trending lately like #TransWomenAreConMen. A lot of those hashtags are centered around a TikTok video a woman called Lindsey Graham (no relationship to the South Carolina senator with the same name) made about someone named Paul Bixler. In the video Graham accuses Bixler of a few things. According to Graham, Paul Bixler was staring at her as she was changing in the women’s locker room at the gym. Graham said she had her shirt off and her bra off, and she noticed Bixler looking at her breasts. Speaking as a cis woman who has changed in locker rooms before, I did notice a few odd things with Graham’s story right. First of all, despite what the porn films may portray, women’s locker rooms are not steamy erotic paradises full of bi-curious naked supermodels. Women’s locker rooms usually just have a few of us middle-aged women. We take care to not show too much skin even when there are only women in the locker room. Frankly, most women are shy about being naked even in front of other women. If we’re changing into gym clothes we make sure to wrap towels around our waist before we change pants. We face the wall and move quickly to change bras. NONE of us are parading around with boobs out and honestly if I had been in the locker room while Graham was changing, I might have snuck a peak too. I have nothing but admiration for women who are confident enough about their bodies to walk proudly boobs-out in front of other women. I wish I had that poise. Look, everyone stares at boobs regardless of sexual orientation. This has been scientifically proven, believe it or not! (imagine the grant application that was written to fund THAT study!) Who knows why both men and women like to look at breasts. Maybe it’s a nascent reflex from infancy that associates breasts with food and warmth. Maybe, as one scientist said, women look at eachother’s breasts “for social comparison purposes.” Regardless, we all love looking at breasts. Anyway, back to Lindsay Graham’s TikTok video. Graham herself runs a far-right podcast called Patriot Barbie so yes she looks and behaves exactly how you think she does. Graham also apparently visits the gym in a full face of make-up and two pounds of false eyelashes. Girl, please. Graham’s story starts to fall apart as soon as she describes what happened when Bixler allegedly stared at her breasts. “‘He had his back to me, but there was a mirror, so when he turned around after loading up his things, he was able to see me completely topless.” How the hell can someone stare at your breasts while facing away from you at the same time? There was a mirror? Bixler was watching Graham in the mirror? Or was Bixler watching Graham when Bixler “turned around.” I’m sorry, I’m having a hard time visualizing the spatial dynamics Graham is alleging here that ended up with Graham’s breasts in Bixler’s visual zone. I mean, even before LibsofTikTok posted Graham’s video, this woman Graham was a piece of work. Imagine Lauren Boebert if Boebert were even more dumb than she is. That’s Lindsey Graham. The Patriot Barbie cat lady protester I mean, not the South Carolina Senator. Well, maybe the South Carolina Senator too but ANYWAY Graham (the woman) is absolutely crackers. Graham even attended a school board meeting in a cat costume to protest trans people or something. It was… dumb. Frankly it’s pretty clear that Graham has an agenda and has specifically targeted Paul Bixler. I have no doubt that Graham tried to set up Bixler at the gym. Still, while it’s fun to dump on Ms. Patriot Barbie, I really can’t defend Paul Bixler here. Full disclosure, I’m a huge TERF. Or at least trans activists call me a TERF. I support the human rights and dignity of trans people. I also believe that trans women should not be allowed to compete in women’s sports and the erasure of women is wrong and gay women should not be emotionally blackmailed into having sex with people with penises and JK Rowling actually has some good points. I am part of the wide middle ground that many people inhabit in America when it comes to trans activism, but trans activists have said that I am “unsafe” and “literally killing trans people.” Yeah, that’s right. Either you support gay women being coerced into sexual situations that they hate or you’re literally killing trans people. Literally. THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND PEOPLE! And I’m gonna be clear here when I say that Paul Bixler should not be allowed in a woman’s changing room. By the way, when I am saying “Paul Bixler,” I am not deadnaming Bixler. Bixler still goes by the masculine surname “Paul” and apparently suffers no dysphoria when referred to by that name by other people. Bixler also makes very little effort to try to pass as a woman. Bixler’s hair is slightly messy but not feminine, and Bixler does not seem to be concerned about passing at the gym or… anywhere really. Bixler apparently has had no voice training either and none of Bixler’s photos show that Bixler has put any work into body feminization. Bixler claims to have had bottom surgery (apparently that’s why the police in the video allowed Bixler to continue to use the ladies’ changing room) but I think that’s a lie. You have to jump through hoops and pass massive amounts of screenings to be approved for bottom surgery. Bottom surgery is very complicated under the best of circumstances. There is not only a lot of vasculature to consider but also nerve preservation so that the patient’s sexual health AND genitourinary functionality remain intact. Few surgeons are expert at bottom surgeries for FTM trans people. I sincerely doubt that any surgeon would have agreed to perform bottom surgery on a geriatric patient (Bixler transitioned at age 70), especially a geriatric patient who apparently has no wish to be femme-presenting. The capacity for serious complications and lawsuits as a result of operating on Bixler would be too great. The argument among trans activists is that trans women don’t owe society femininity nor do trans women need to “pass.” Cis women, nevertheless, owe trans women access to all women-only spaces even if the trans women present as men. If masc-presenting trans women are denied access to women-only spaces, trans women will suffer horrifying dysphoria as a result. So masc-presenting trans women must be allowed in women-only spaces. On the other hand, if women are uncomfortable and even scared of seeing a masculine-appearing person in a changing room or other places where women are naked, well…… suck it up buttercup. Don’t be a fucking TERF like that awful Harry Potter woman. The dysphoric feelings of someone with a penis carries more weight in our society than the fearful feelings of someone with a vagina. It is a rigid rule of the gender binary that has persisted for centuries and that trans activists insist on maintaining. The vagina must always make space for the penis. Even the picture of Paul Bixler entering the woman’s changing room at the gym shows how dumb it is that Bixler insists on using women’s spaces. There would have been no danger for Bixler if Bixler had used the men’s changing room. All the men there would have just assumed Bixler was one of them, not a trans woman. Paul Bixler does not present as a feminine person.
Someone who puts no effort into passing as a woman should not be using a female space. Period. Is Lindsey “Patriot Barbie” Graham a clown? Yes. Did she set up Paul Bixler? Yeah, probably. Is she harassing and stalking Paul Bixler? Yeah, probably. But is Paul Bixler using women’s spaces unjustifiably? Yes. Does Paul Bixler belong in women’s spaces? No, not at Bixler’s current stage of transition. Is Paul Bixler lying about having bottom surgery? Yeah, probably. Does Paul Bixler appear to give a damn about the comfort of women? No. Is Paul Bixler a clown too? Yes. That is why I am forced to conclude that no one looks good in the Paul Bixler controversy. It is not misogynistic to say that Graham needs to stop stalking trans people. It is not transphobic to say that Bixler needs to use men’s spaces now unless Bixler puts more effort into passing. And there is nothing remotely wrong in saying that both Graham and Bixler are dishonest clowns. UPDATE: Someone claiming to be Paul Bixler’s son (and he seems legit so I’m gonna assume he is) says that Bixler has indeed had bottom surgery. There are documents to prove it. I posted my own response. Obviously Paul Bixler’s medical info is only Paul Bixler’s business (and Bixler’s healthcare providers) but we are all entitled to our opinions. Regardless of the surgery, however, I stand by my opinion that anyone who cannot even pass a glance test when it comes to passing as a woman should not use women-only spaces. And that if masc-presenting trans women do not feel comfortable in men’s spaces, then the burden is on cis men to accommodate them. Not cis women.
0 Comments
Twitter is once again blowing up, and it’s blowing up because of JK Rowling. Again. Things have been pretty tense among trans activists lately. First a parade expressing support for the pro-trans Scottish “Gender ID” bill was marred by a participant who held a “Decapitate TERFs” sign above two pro-trans-rights Scottish MPs’ heads. The whole affair didn’t really send a GREAT message about trans rights, frankly. Especially when the person holding it was wearing Jeffrey Dahmer glasses and giving a creepy, cold dead stare. Then India Willoughby, a trans woman broadcaster for ITV’s Good Morning Britain, tweeted out “I’m more of a woman than JK Rowling will ever be.” JK Rowling responded rather icily: “Citation needed.” And JK Rowling had a point. When it comes to the lived female experience, Rowling has been through the mill. She is a rape survivor and was an impoverished single mom for years. She was borderline homeless and described spending her days in a cafe to keep warm with her daughter sleeping on the seat beside her. It was in this cafe that she started writing the Harry Potter books. India Willoughby was born in 1965 and enjoyed male privilege throughout the 70s and 80s and 90s and the early 00s before transitioning at the age of 45. She even managed to have a biological son through a nifty trick: she stuck her penis inside another woman and let that woman go through the life-risking pain of childbirth. That sounds so awesome! I bet JK Rowling, who is so much less the woman that India Willoughby is, wish she had the capacity to do that. Unfortunately Rowling had to do the whole pregnancy and childbirth thing HERSELF with her three children because Rowling is, you know, so much less of a woman than India Willoughby. Anyway the reaction to JK Rowling’s tweet was predictable. TERFs applauded her. Trans rights activists talked about how the noisy women who disagreed with be-penised people needed to shut her mouth. A few people noticed, however, that JK Rowling had altered India Willoughby’s tweet before re-posting the screenshot on her own account. TW: The commenter’s handle is upsetting. As you can see, when JK Rowling screenshot India Willoughby’s tweet, Rowling took care to erase the tweet Willoughby was responding to. Here’s the thing. JK Rowling hid the original tweet India Willoughby was responding to because the original tweet was a transphobic attack on India Willoughby. JK Rowling did not want to use her platform to promote that transphobic tweet misgendering India Willoughby. Because JK Rowling is not transphobic. Yes, you heard me. JK Rowling is not transphobic. JK Rowling has never deadnamed any trans person. JK Rowling has never misgendered any trans person. JK Rowling has never promoted violence against trans people. JK Rowling is not transphobic. JK Rowling merely has a common sense, nuanced approach on trans rights, and she stands with the majority of people when it comes to neither wishing harm on trans people nor wishing to eradicate the concept of gender altogether regardless of cost. Natalie Jackson described it in her article on a PRRI survey about trans rights. Yet in that same survey from PRRI, we found that a considerable share of Americans held seemingly opposing views. Forty-six percent of Americans, for instance, said they both supported general nondiscrimination protections and opposed allowing transgender girls to participate in girls’ sports. Meanwhile, 37 percent supported nondiscrimination protections and opposed allowing transgender boys to participate in boys’ sports. Finally, 36 percent supported nondiscrimination protections and supported bathroom bills requiring transgender people to use the bathroom of their sex assigned at birth. Herein lies the danger in the trans rights’ tactic of “Do everything we say or be labeled a killer of trans kids forever.” It dishonestly tars people with justifiable hesitancies about very niche aspects of the trans experience (public bathrooms, women’s sports, lesbian preferences) when overall these same people very much support nondiscrimination policies for trans people. According to the current line being repeated by trans activists, if you believe that trans people should not be discriminated against in terms of jobs and housing but you also believe that women should not be forced to compete against AMAB trans athletes in sports, you are no different then people who literally kill trans folk. The slightest amount of dissent from the mostly AMAB trans folk-dominated discussion brands you a TERF for eternity. Hell, Mark Hamill couldn’t even “like” a JK Rowling tweet on Twitter without people dogpiling him and swearing off Star Wars? This shit is getting ridiculous. You can respect the rights and dignity of trans people and ALSO put firm barriers when the rights of trans people start to infringe on the rights of women. That is where JK Rowling and many, many women like her stand. That is why JK Rowling refused to platform a transphobic attack against India Willoughby and- at the same time- stood against Willoughby when Willoughby attacked Rowling. Rowling does not want to dehumanize trans people, and Rowling does not want trans people to dehumanize women. Which is fair. JK Rowling has stood against the far right and she has stood against the misogyny of the very loud trans activists. Rowling has received death threats and rape threats and has literally had her own name erased from her life’s work as a result. But she has stood firm in her belief. She will not let people bully her into silence. That does not make her transphobic. That makes her admirable. I logged into my Twitter account in late September 2020 and saw that the hashtag #BigMike was trending. Who was Big Mike? Probably a sports thing. Odd that it was trending under “Politics.” I clicked the hashtag and saw that it had started after far right celebrity James Woods had posted a picture of several past Presidents and First Ladies at Barbara Bush’s funeral. James Woods was hinting at a conspiracy theory that has been a fixture on QAnon for at least five years now, if not longer. That conspiracy theory is that First Lady Michelle Obama is a man, or a trans woman. According to the theory her daughters, Sasha and Malia Obama, are not hers but are “rented” from another couple. It’s an odd assertion considering that Malia Obama looks like her mother so distinctly. Conspiracy theorists don’t care about evidence, however. Their end goal is using transphobic and racist rumors to bring down powerful women. BTW, I think we have to stop pretending that Twitter was a progressive heaven before Elon Musk bought the platform. You remember how we were supposed to be sad when all those former Twitter employees filmed themselves dramatically packing up their desks after Elon Musk fired them? Well, these were the same employees who were busy scratching their balls when QAnon ran like wildfire on Twitter and Trump openly plotted an insurrection through his presidential Twitter account. You couldn’t get a tweet removed for love, money or a million racial slurs back in the 20-teens. Yeah, forget those guys. Glad they lost their jobs. Anyway, back to the horrifying racist shitshow that is the QAnon conspiracy theories about Michelle Obama. The transphobic theory about Michelle Obama first started with late comedienne Joan Rivers. Rivers said during a street interview in 2014 that President Obama was gay and that First Lady Michelle Obama was a “tranny.” It was a terribly racist and transphobic joke. Rivers died a few weeks later while getting surgery and conspiracy theorists immediately drew the conclusion that her death was because she knew the “truth” about Michelle Obama. Questions about President Barack Obama’s sexuality have been swirling since 2008 when his GOP opponents found it very difficult to dig up any dirt on the clean-cut Obama. The racist stereotype of the hyper-sexualized black man is deeply ingrained in American culture so the fact that a black man could be a faithful husband to his wife was simply unacceptable to white Americans. Where were the “baby-mommas?” Where were the multiple girlfriends and one-night stands and crowds of illegitimate children now living on welfare? George W Bush being a faithful husband and father was taken for granted by white America. Of course a white man can be monogamous and faithful. A black man who was faithful to his wife, however, HAD to be gay. Obama’s presidency pre-dated QAnon but there were far right outlets for rightwing conspiracy theories. Larry Sinclair, an eccentric fraudster and con man, published a book alleging that he had had a homosexual affair with Barack Obama. Conspiracy blogger Wayne Madsen talked about a huge gay conspiracy where Obama, Rahm Emmanuel and Deval Patrick (among others) frequented Chicago’s gay bathhouses. Starting in 2018, QAnon arose and did what QAnon does best: it took an obliquely racist conspiracy theory and made it more blatantly racist along with misogynistic. Not only was Barack Obama gay, according to QAnon, but his wife Michelle Obama was a trans woman with a large penis who used to be called Michael Lavaughn Robinson (aka “Big Mike”). This conspiracy theory was “substantiated” by the Joan Rivers video and photoshopped pictures that made Michelle Obama look taller and larger than she really was. A favorite technique of QAnon photoshoppers was to photoshop Michelle Obama looking taller than Barack Obama, thus emasculating him and humiliating her by implying that tall women were somehow less feminine. There are even more humiliatingly photoshopped pictures of Michelle Obama where she is shown with wrinkles in her clothes that look like a bulge in the crotch. There are other manipulated photos making fun of the breadth of her shoulders. “THIS is why there are no photos of Michelle Obama pregnant!” Q Twitter often posts. The “Big Mike” QAnon theory is just the latest iteration of mocking and shaming black women’s bodies in American culture. Secondary to the QAnon “Big Mike” rumor is another rumor that New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern is also a trans woman. This rumor started with footage of Ardern walking down a hallway with wrinkles in her dress that made it look like she had a bulge in her crotch. Any woman who has ever worn skirts with hose will recognize that type of wrinkle as something that occurs when static cling builds up between the hose and the inner lining of the dress. This awkward static cling is common when women are walking and it can create weird wrinkles. It should come as a surprise to no one that this type of weaponized transphobia being aimed at non-trans women is primarily targeting powerful women. Michelle Obama is an enormously influential First Lady. Jacinda Ardern is the Prime Minister of New Zealand and frequent target of the far right after she outlawed automatic weapons following the mass shooting in Christchurch. It comes as no surprise that far right transphobes are spreading their poison to non-trans women. I myself am a tall and broad-shouldered woman. I am not trans however I was often cruelly teased by my classmates about possibly being a man while I was in middle school. I would also have my gender questioned as an adult woman when I lived and worked in Asia. I would go out of my way to dress in a very feminine manner (make-up, pencil skirts, hose and heels) to make up for my towering height and large shoulders. Other women had it worse and many of my larger female colleagues simply ignored the stares and the giggles when they walked around in downtown Seoul. Tall women, large women, muscular women and women who suffer from polycystic ovary syndrome (which can sometimes involve excess facial hair) can be misgendered. Indeed I could not help noticing under the “Big Mike” hashtag that a lot of women were timidly saying “I’m six feet tall and a lot of people mistake me for a man. But I’m not.” Or “Just because Michelle Obama is tall doesn’t mean she’s trans. I’m tall too and it hurts when people think I’m not a woman.”
Ignoring QAnon’s weaponized misogyny, racism and transphobia against powerful women is a bad tactic. It’s time we started talking about why topics like “Big Mike” can trend so easily on Twitter or why such an insulting theory is even allowed to exist outside of the fringes of the internet. More importantly we need to talk about the worrying resiliency of misogyny. Now in 2023 we are being hit on all sides. Trans activists on the left smear women as “TERFs” and “unsafe” if women voice even the slightest criticism about AMAB trans people usurping women’s achievements in society. Transphobic voices on the right pretend to protect women but clearly do not give a damn about us as they spread rumors that Michelle Obama is a man and feminists are the reason for teenagers taking puberty blockers. Damn, women just can’t win. Every Democrat I know has flipped Michelle Obama’s famous phrase: “When they go low, we go high” to “When they go low I go even lower.” It’s hard to remain above it all. And Michelle Obama has acknowledged that in her latest book The Light We Carry: “Going high is a commitment, and not a particularly glamorous one, to keep moving forward. It only works when we do the work.” It’s very hard work. The couple behind me are on the worst date ever. I am experiencing second-hand cringe every time I hear them speak. It’s like a car wreck. You can’t look away.
I am typing on my laptop at a coffee place. There are two guys sitting down at the table behind me and … It’s brutal my friends. It’s absolutely brutal. Both these guys look really young. Maybe early twenties. They both have coffee. One guy bought a muffin. The guy with the muffin is trying to make conversation. And the second guy will not look up from his phone. Not even once. Oh my God dude, put your phone down! You’re on a date! Talk to the muffin guy. The muffin guy is trying so hard to have a conversation. “I actually don’t know a lot of gay guys at work. Like, I think there are a few but I don’t really talk to them.” The other guy is just, no response. Not one. Just continues looking at his phone. What the fuck? Phone guy can’t even acknowledge muffin guy? Not even once? Why even go on a date with someone if you’re just going to be passive-aggressive? I don’t get it. And I can tell this is a date. There’s a sort of poignant hopefulness going on with muffin guy. He really just wanted to ask out another guy and have coffee and maybe talk and then maybe make out? If he is lucky? But the other guy just won’t look up from his phone! Have phones ruined dates? Do people just not talk anymore on dates? God, I’m so glad I don’t date anymore. Or that smartphones existed back when I was dating. We had flip phones back then. You could only glance at a flip phone. If no one had texted you, you had to put away the phone and re-engage with the person physically next to you. You could only be anti-social for so long. Is phone guy not gay? Is that the problem here? Did he accept the coffee meet-up because he just wanted to hang with friends at work, and he didn’t realize that muffin guy was asking him out on a date? And now phone guy doesn’t know how to say “Hey, I just wanted to be friends. I’m not gay. I’m sorry, I misunderstood what this was.” Why not just say that? Are guys just afraid of being straightforward with each other? Phone guy glanced up from his phone for a split second and muffin guy seizes his chance to once again start a conversation with his date. “So was it hard moving here?” It’s a decent conversation starter. Ask your date about himself. Let him talk. But phone guy doesn’t respond. He just looks back at his phone. I feel so sorry for muffin guy. He’s trying so hard. And it’s awful for young people to go out and have human interaction these days. They just want to be safe behind their screens. Muffin guy took a risk, and now he’s getting screwed for it. I hope muffin guy finds someone decent to date. Phone guy is such a loser. And phone guy knows what he’s doing. He knows he’s being an asshole. Geez, guys in their 20s are so horrible that even other guys in their 20s get hurt by them. No wonder women have fled the dating apps. I can’t take this anymore. I’m putting my earphones back in. I’m going back to the computer. I am driving past the car accident. Let these guys figure it out. I’ve fought in the dating trenches back in my day. I don’t need to acquire any more battle wounds second-hand. |
|