I Joined a Binge Eating Support Group and It Was Surprisingly Problematic

​TW: Eating Disorders, Mental Health

I struggle with binge eating. I admit it.

I decided to join a binge eating support group online. The support group had strict rules (no “thinspo,” no “pro-ana” comments, no pushing of fad diets or supplements, no bullying, etc. etc.) and I appreciated that. The support group was a semi-safe space to disclose my vulnerabilities about my disordered eating.

The support group seemed to be about 100% women. Their posts were pretty heartbreaking and surprisingly problematic. Every woman seemed to hate herself to a high degree despite the fact that she had an essential job or performed an amazing amount of good in the world.

Shows like My 600 Pound Life portray people with Binge Eating Disorder (BED) as morbidly obese, unemployed, in need of constant care, and always lying about how much they eat.

The reality is the exact opposite.

The women in the BED support group I joined were all employed … and they all seemed to be disproportionately working in essential, high-stress positions. These women were nurses, caretakers, foster parents and CNAs.

Some women were technically obese, though not to a morbid extent. They were clearly active and employed. Most of the women on the BED support group ranged from average weight to moderately overweight. They were all doing necessary and good things in this messed-up world.

Their posts were almost all the same.

“I hate myself. I HATE MYSELF. I can’t stop eating. I just got home from the hospital where I had to work overtime and I want to go to bed but instead I am in front of the fridge eating…. and I won’t stop until I am less anxious.”

“I hate what I’m doing to myself. I hate my body. I keep trying to stay within my calories but between making sure my son’s meds are straight and my daughter continues to get counseling services and my job refusing to hire more support staff I am exhausted. I am just diving into food. It’s the only way to keep myself going. I hate myself. I’m disgusting.”
The saddest post I read was from a woman who was a foster mom to three kids. She was raising the kids alone with her mom. The woman had taken her foster kids to the zoo and her mom had snapped pics. The pics were really sweet. The woman was carrying a sleeping little boy who was maybe two. He had clearly just had a full day and was napping in his foster mom’s arms. You could tell by the way he relaxed into her body as she carried his sleeping form that he trusted her completely. She was his shelter after what had been probably a very traumatic time. Children are not placed into foster care for small emergencies. This woman was giving children necessary love and care after they had suffered.

The woman posted the zoo pics on the support group. Under the photos she wrote “I am crying. I told my mom to not take pictures of me for this exact reason but she took them anyway. I look SO fat. I have deteriorated so badly. I am completely apple-shaped and I don’t know how I managed to get this bad. I hate myself.”

What?

All I saw in those pics was a woman giving love and protection to children who desperately needed it. I saw an angel.

And all the woman saw in her pictures was her fatness.

I don’t mean to downplay BED. It’s a real disorder with real health consequences if left untreated. It disproportionately affects women and just anecdotally it seems to affect women in high-stress positions.

But I don’t think BED can be defeated through self-hatred. Can’t you just see how beautiful you are in terms of your acts and the real benefits they bring to the world? It is so, so hard to love yourself for the amazing goodness you bring to the world when the world only defines you by how your ass looks on Instagram. We need to fight that. Part of the solution to treating BED is finding the strength to self-love for the valid reasons that are there.
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That is how we stop the binges.