I am a simple woman. I don’t demand much in life. All I need is food on my table, a roof over my head and not having to read about Rudy Giuliani’s erect penis.
I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
2020 was three years ago. Can we please at least open the papers or scroll through Twitter and NOT read about Rudy Giuliani’s penis?
Whelp. Nope. Sorry. 2020 is that ex that refuses to believe the relationship is over.
And that includes reading about Giuliani’s penis. Again.
I know I’m old but I remember when Rudy Giuliani was a figure of great respect. Giuliani was the guy who cleaned up New York. He was the dude who got the subways to be less hellish, guided New York through 9/11, and was the leader we all needed in 2001.
It was a different time.
I mean, it’s not that there weren’t warning signs. Activists in the 90s were talking about how Giuliani’s over-incarceration of black offenders would lead to a generation of traumatized youth and broken families. The mostly-white media ignored them. Papers were celebrating how much less graffiti there was in Times Square.
And nobody had to think about Giuliani’s penis.
The good times, however, did not last.
We all know the complete clown show Giuliani has become. We saw Giuliani’s press conference beside a sex shop in 2020 when Giuliani was helping Trump overturn the election. We saw the hair dye melting off Giuliani’s head as he bugged out his eyes and ranted. We heard Giuliani pass gas loudly as he testified in front of Michigan state officials.
Oh, plus Giuliani was caught on camera by Sasha Baron Cohen allegedly masturbating in front of a young actress, Maria Bakalova. The whole scenario was part of a prank orchestrated by Cohen and Bakalova where Giuliani apparently thought Bakalova wanted to have sex with him. Cohen had to rapidly intervene before Bakalova was put in a bad situation.
Giuliani later stated that he was the real victim in Cohen’s prank. Giuliani insisted that he had not been masturbating but instead was untucking his shirt. It was branded as an “October Surprise” in the 2020 presidential election, as Giuliani was a top Trump campaign adviser.
Still, whether untucking his shirt or masturbating, Giuliani’s dick was supposed to remain firmly in 2020 where it belonged. Seriously.
But no. We can’t have nice things.
It’s 2023 and we’re going to have to hear about Giuliani’s dick. Again.
A former aide to Giuliani, Noelle Dunphy, has just filed a 70 page complaint against him, seeking 10 million dollars in damages after allegedly suffering sexual abuse, rape and trauma while working with Giuliani.
The complaint is full of really lurid, upsetting accusations.
While working with Ms. Dunphy, Giuliani would look to Ms. Dunphy, point to his erect penis, and tell her that he could not do any work until ‘you take care of this.
Ms. Dunphy was frightened. She said she wanted to get dressed, unpack and settle in. She asked for privacy. She said she would meet him in the living room when she was ready. But Giuliani would not leave. He sat on the bed and pulled down his pants. The following screenshot from the film “Borat: Subsequent Moviefilm” depicts Giuliani acting in a similar manner to how he acted with Ms. Dunphy.
“Giuliani then pulled her head onto his penis, without asking for obtaining..” etc. etc.
Ad nauseum. And I do mean ad nauseum.
So I must now ask, as an exhausted woman, can we PLEASE stop reading about Rudy Giuliani’s penis?
It’s 2023. Masking is no longer mandated. COVID has mutated to basically a bad cold. “Woman” is now a dirty word that promotes genocide. The times have CHANGED folks!
So I am all ready for the detumescence of Giuliani penis-related news headlines. That’s just fine.
Please. Can 2020 finally just be over?