I know what people think when they see a couple where the man is significantly older than the woman.
They think “Ugh, that guy is a shallow creep! Can’t handle a woman his own age!”
“Probably left a loving wife and kids for this hussy!”
“You give a guy 20 years of your life and he leaves you for a girl the same age as his daughter!”
The stigma is real folks.
Now don’t get me wrong, if you’re a 45 -year-old guy with a 19-year-old girlfriend I’m gonna judge you. I’m gonna judge the hell out of you. Women who are only two or three years out of childhood should only date people in their own age group. Period.
That being said, if you’re a 45-year-old guy with a girlfriend in her mid-to-late twenties, that’s fine. 28-year-olds are adults. They have jobs. Many women at this age are already well on their way to full careers. Many have their own apartments. Many are applying for a house mortgage.
That being said, as a 40-something woman I want to bust some myths about 40-something men pairing off with 20-something women.
The idea that 40-something guys are leaving women their own age in the dust to chase after younger women is untrue. In my experience most 40-something men looking for serious relationships usually prefer women their own age.
It makes sense. Most single middle-aged guys are divorced with high school-aged kids. These men aren’t looking to start new families. They don’t relish the idea of changing diapers in their fifties. They don’t like seeing a blank stare during a date when they ask “Man, remember 9/11?”
Here’s the thing though…. forty-something women don’t really want to date. The latest Pew Research says that 71% of single women over 40, (yes, 71%) are simply not looking to date right now.
In contrast, 68% of single men over 40 ARE looking to date.
Ooof. The disconnect is real folks.
And honestly that makes sense. Unmarried women tend to have longer lives and are generally more healthy, according to recent surveys. If you’re forty and the kids are in high school and you can work longer hours and have enough cash to travel a bit … why would you want a husband? Who needs that burden?
Unmarried men, on the other hand, tend to be much more stressed, have shorter lifespans and have lower rates of survivability from diseases like cancer than married men.
The urge to escape the single life is real for middle-aged guys. They’re literally fighting for their lives.
So why not have middle-aged guys date twenty-something women?
After all, guys in their twenties are going through a bit of a crisis right now. They are less likely to be in college, less likely to be employed, and more likely to be suffering from mental health problems than men born before 1990.
No twenty-something woman really wants to date a twenty-something guy in 2023.
So can you blame twenty-something women for looking at older men as potentially better partners? And can you blame forty-something men for partnering with twenty-something women when literally over 70% of single women in their forties just don’t want to date?
Just let consenting adults be happy. And leave the rest of us cat ladies in peace.