TW: Discussion of SA, misgendering, slurs, hate speech and violence against trans people.
I just published an article on Medium saying that trans activists are dangerously stretching the definition of “genocide.”
Trans activists, however, are not alone here. Transphobes are also using overly-emotional language for manipulative purposes when it comes to discussing trans people.
Specifically there is a new term that is starting to trend on transphobe Twitter. It’s called “rape-by-deception.”
What is “rape-by-deception” you may ask? Well apparently if a trans woman sleeps with cis man without telling the man that she’s trans, she’s just “raped” him. And he’s allowed to beat the hell out of her if he finds out she’s trans.
That sounds disturbing, but this is the logic that is going around transphobe twitter: Violence against trans people is forgivable if the trans person was not immediately upfront about being trans before sex. Because a cis person willingly having sex with a trans person without knowing the full story about the trans person’s gender at birth is a cis person who is being raped.
No seriously, that’s the argument.
So how the heck are the transphobes defining consensual sex with a trans person as “rape?” Well, they’re using the legal precedent where Abigail Finney, a young woman in college, thought her boyfriend had climbed into bed with her one night. She had sex with the person she thought was her boyfriend, only to find out after turning on the light that the male person was a gaming buddy of her boyfriend’s who had drunkenly crawled into bed with her.
The prosecutor brought charges against the gaming buddy, alleging the man violated Finney through “rape by deception.” The gaming buddy was acquitted but the case is apparently being seized upon by transphobes. If a cis man has sex with a trans woman whom the cis man thinks is a cis woman, that’s “rape by deception.”
At this point, how far can we stretch the definition of “rape by deception.” If a guy you hook up with says he owns the fancy house he lives in but it turns out he’s just housesitting and he actually lives with his parents, is that rape?
What if the woman you sleep with says she’s 25 but she’s actually 35, is that rape?
What if the guy you have a one-night stand with swore over dinner that he’s a Democrat but you later find that his Facebook page is full of MAGA memes? Does that mean he raped you?
What if the girl you had sex with talks about how she’s naturally curvy but then it turns out that she had breast implants and a tummy tuck and butt-enhancing spanx on? Does that mean she raped you?
Do you see how dumb this is?
Here’s the deal. Transphobes need to stop using words like “rape” when it comes to miscommunication about dating between trans and cis people. It’s leading to people being hurt.
And it sure as hell not helping ACTUAL victims of rape.